Hope After Heartache
Author: Carl Stagner
October 14, 2020
Colorado Couple Comes Alongside Grieving Parents
Their world came crashing down in June 2013. Described as an
“amputation” of the family’s heart, the tragic loss of Rich and Kelly Packard’s
son Derek left not only a gaping hole in their household, but also residual
emotional and spiritual effects that could have torn a marriage apart. Instead,
this couple’s faith in Jesus brought them together through countless nights of incomprehensible
grief into a new day of hope after heartache. Seven years later, they’re doing
whatever they can to help other couples caught in the snare of despair after
the death of a child. Now Church of God pastors and lay leaders have a trusted
resource referral, should it be needed, God forbid, in the aftermath of such unspeakable
tragedy.
Every husband and wife suffering the loss of a child, no
matter the age, is a target for the enemy of our souls. Marriages and entire
families have fallen apart when crisis strikes, even within the church. Rich
and Kelly Packard learned so much from their experience that they cannot keep
it to themselves. Framed in Scripture, and in constant view of the God of all
comfort, they’ve sought to create a weekend experience in the mountains of
Colorado for married couples dealing with the death of a child. Like Jesus, who
found respite physically apart from the craziness of crowds and society (Luke
5:16), Rich and Kelly understand the need for a getaway, and for more than a
book, something beyond a grief group, and something greater than a transfer of
information from a pulpit. Hurting couples must experience retreat.
“Living Hope Mountain Respite (LHMR) fills a unique gap that
exists in broad scope grief support resources in our churches and communities,”
Kelly explains. “Though these resources are no doubt supportive, due to the
expanse of life circumstances that cause grief, there is simply not enough
resources to meet specific grief needs. LHMR is focused specifically on the
marriage relationship and the relational strain placed upon a marriage due to
the death of their child. Our personal marriage journey of relational strain
experienced through the death of our son, Derek, uniquely allows us to step
into this gap and comfort other marriages with the comfort we ourselves have
received from God (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).”
Weekends in Colorado with Rich and Kelly Packard include
Bible-based curriculum providing practical solutions for the journey of grief
the couples never wanted to embark upon. Plenty of time is built into the
schedule for fellowship, food, recreation, allowing room for married couples to
spend necessary moments alone. A sample schedule is available on their website
[https://www.livinghopemountainrespite.com/respite-retreat].
Neither Rich nor Kelly are ordained ministers or
professional counselors, but their theology and counsel are spot-on. They
recognize the strain grief has on both the individual parent and the marriage
relationship. In response to the truth of Christ holding all things together
(Colossians 1:17), they conclude that Christ can also hold a marriage together.
Kelly reflects, “Rich daily turning his heart toward Jesus; Jesus transforms
his brokenness. Kelly daily turning her heart toward Jesus; Jesus transforms
her brokenness. Rich and Kelly turn intentionally toward each other after we
have turned to Christ first; the marriage experiences transformation from
brokenness.”
Kelly thinks back on the emotional toll their loss had on
their emotions and how they endured.
“We recognized that our next breath was literally a struggle
to take in due to the intense emotional pain,” she recounts. “We learned
reliance on him in a way that creates depths of sweet intimacy with our Savior.
The relational intimacy with Jesus starts to swallow the despair. We start to
have an emotional capacity to function in our marriage in a healthy way.”
The Packards were living in Indiana and a part of the
Madison Park Church of God congregation in Anderson when tragedy struck in
2013. Years earlier, they’d graduated together from Anderson University, then
College, where they first met. Remembering fondly their days at AU, the
Packards recently recorded an interview with Anderson University’s Alumni
Network. They also brought to mind what they appreciated so much about Madison
Park Church of God, then under the pastoral leadership of now Church of God Ministries
general director Jim Lyon.
“Youth pastors and other pastoral staff members that
intentionally pursued relationship with our sons,” she cites. “Both of our sons
had spiritual mentors directly from the pastoral staff—a parent’s largest gift
from a church!”
Kelly remembers never wanting the worship services to end,
as the inspirational dynamics were like a “glimpse into glory, perhaps.” She’s
also thankful for Pastor Jim, who she remembers as having communicated
Spirit-led wisdom from the Scriptures with intellect and eloquence to “spur
others in the faith onward.”
But Jim Lyon also remembers Rich and Kelly, and can’t say
enough about the couple’s qualifications and character. He sees Living Hope
Mountain Respite as a useful resource for pastors across the Movement and
beyond.
“I am thankful how they are finding something that gives
life in the wake of their loss,” Jim writes. “Derek’s passing was a dreadful
tragedy; even as their hearts were shredded, Rich and Kelly carried themselves
through those days with great dignity and faith.”
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